This is a letter written back in July; it got lost, which is why I'm only posting it now.
I’ve been getting mail from a beautiful young girl who is going through a lot of pain. She tells me these bone-chilling stories, and it bothers me that I never have time to answer her. Her main inquiry is if she should leave her boyfriend. If she even has to ask that, it shows how deep her problem is. Today, I’m going to take some time to share a few things with her. It’s going to cost me my shower time, but she’s worth it. In fact, I’m going to write thirty fans and not shower for a month! No, but I will show you my letter in hopes that it could help someone else. Here’s my meager attempt, realizing that one letter probably won’t change much.
I Love You,
Ms. Beautiful young girl,
I’m not sure what happened to you growing up, but it’s clear that you went through a lot of pain. If there really is a guy who is treating you this horrifically, then let me explain some things to you.
People who were hurt over and over, especially during childhood, will grow up and create a world that will give them a similar degree of that hurt. Why? Because just like crack is addictive, so is pain. And, as odd as it sounds, some people are content with living in storms. Deep inside, that’s what they’re addicted to. They may believe that they want happiness, and peace, and everything nice and sweet, but really they’d be bored to death with that. They were raised in so much drama, that as they grow up, they need that drama just to feel fulfilled. The reason you ended up falling in love with an abuser is because he gives you a similar degree of the pain you grew up in. That’s what happens to children who experience painful upbringings, they become addicted to whatever degree of pain they experienced. This is why you accept living in this horror movie that you’re in. Of course, your man is wrong for treating you that way, but what I’m talking about is the reasons you chose such a man, the reasons you found him attractive.
I hope you can break your addiction to pain, and learn to love things that you’ve probably never known, things like peace and happiness. It’ll be boring at first, but soon enough you’ll begin to see the beauty in boring. Beautiful things come from a life of peace. Or, you can keep loving monsters, keep letting yourself get stepped on, and live a fucked up life. There’s lots of women/people who live that way.
You know, Ms. BYG, I was reading a book about how to write books, and the author said, “One of the best things a writer can have is a screwed up childhood.” I agree, because we have so much pain in us that needs to come out. If not, it will eat us alive. I write songs because I have to, because it helps with my pain.
Maybe you can make it to college—you’re still very young—and take some writing classes. Whether you work sells a million copies, or none at all, at least it’ll help you detoxify your spirit. Plus, education makes you much more powerful, and makes life much more colorful. School will save you, concentrate on it, and work hard.
I’ll end this by reminding you that you deserve the best, and that’s a fact straight from God. The thing about it, though, is that only you can give yourself the best. Only you can make those everyday decisions that will bring you a good life. Nobody else can make them for you.